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Monday, August 9, 2010

Benjamin Sniddlegrass announces bid for PM

Nineteen year-old wittertainer Benjamin Sniddlegrass today announced that he was throwing his cap into the ring for Australia's highest position of power - Prime Minister. He made the announcement at a sparsely attended press conference at the foot of Mt. Buggery, Victoria, this morning.

'I've always loved this country - my island home!' said Sniddlegrass, who grew up in Cockfosters, England and moved to Australia less than a year ago. 'A burning country, a land of sweeping drains, of rugged Mountain Rangers!'

Sniddlegrass is running as a candidate for the newly-formed Cauldron Party, whose manifesto promises 'a horse in every barn, a cauldron in every kitchen'. So far, he appears to be the only candidate the party is fielding for this election, which may hurt their chances of gaining the majority needed to form government.

'Julia Gillard may be Australia's first ginger prime minister, but I will be Australia's first elected ginger prime minister,' said the be-quiffed redhead. 'It's time we ended the era of female prime ministers and let a man have a go for once!'

Pundits were quick to weigh in on his chances.

'He's got some forthright views,' explained veteran Channel 9 commentator Laurie Oakes, 'and those may hurt him in some areas. But he's been right out there in front on some issues. He was the first to say 'tough on penguins, tough on the causes of penguins', although he wouldn't explain what that actually meant when I asked him'.

Sniddlegrass took questions for a total of ninety minutes at the end of the press conference, most of them from Mark Latham, whose constant entreaties to the candidate to "call Rudd a snotty little douche" went unanswered.

In response to a question on immigration, Sniddlegrass had this to say: 'We will stop the stoats! I've had enough of this country being overrun by stoat people and my ban on human-animal hybridization should put a stop to that!'

The campaign released this commercial to media this afternoon:

Benjamin Sniddlegrass is currently polling third as Preferred Prime Minister - ahead of Tony Abbott, but behind Julia Gillard and P!nk.

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